The CONFIDENCE Testimony

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Dear Little Girl trapped inside,

I was thinking about you. I felt your heart. I felt you because my heart began to feel heavy. It started to tingle. Then it just went numb. Are you hurting? Tell me what’s wrong. I can understand you. You say no one understands how you feel? Sweetheart, that is not true, and I can prove it.

Numbness is a feeling I remember all to well. I remember not the numbness of feeling no pain, but the numbness of invisibility. I felt trapped in a body that was useless. It didn’t look like I wanted it to look. It didn’t move the way I wanted it to look, and it was dull and boring. There was nothing special about me. I remember not even understanding why I woke everyday.  The only thing my body did was get me pick on, laughed at, and looked over. My heart broke everyday, because I didn’t understand why I had to ensure daily embarrassment and be the daily entertainment. I remember having feelings for a boy. I liked him so much. He would smile at me and make me laugh. He actually would hang out with me and seek me out through out the day. I was on cloud 9. I was NEVER going to tell him how I felt, because I was told by another boy that men do not like fat girls and will never date a fat girl. So I internalized my feelings for the boy I liked and just enjoyed the interactions that we had. Yes, I would dream about him. Yes, I would pretend we were a couple. Well, it all came crashing down. We were at a school assembly, and Boy and I were laughing together. Another girl noticed, and joined in. Before long, she made the comment that I liked Boy. My face could not deny it. Everyone began to laugh and tease Boy. Boy stopped being my friend from that day forward. Boy then became one of the ones who would tease and laugh at me. Heart break City.

I didn’t trust anyone. Have you ever want something from people so much, but didn’t trust people to actually give it to you? Well I wanted family. I was born the only child. I was raised with no siblings. I had no family in the city I grew up in, and there were no children in my neighborhood. I went to school and just come straight home. Food was my best friend. I remember having a boy in my class with the same last name as me. We figured it was just a coincidence. Well, one day my parents and I went to go visit my grand dad. While we were there, in walks Boy from class. We both looked at each other with surprise. I was excited! We learned we were cousins. I was so happy to finally have family near me. I played out in my mind how close we were going to become, and the things we would do together. Little did I know, He wanted NOTHING to do with me. I was an embarrassment to him. We became the LEADER of bullies to me. We had homeroom together. The teacher asked me to pass out papers. As I was going from desk to desk, somehow he stuck a sign on my back with the words “FAT ASS” on it. I had the sign on my back for at least 15 minutes while people were laughing under their breaths. It wasn’t until a girl in our class FINALLY to pity on me and told me what my “cousin” did. Heart break City.

I remember feeling like a waste of space. I just went through the motions of living everyday. Even into my adulthood, the feelings of rejection, invisibility, unattractive, lack of motivation, anger, no energy, fear, and sadness were on constant rotation in my everyday life. I remember going to a dinner for a friend. I was seated at a table with other people I didn’t know. There was this one guy I thought was attractive. I stared talking to him to get him to interact with me. I never thought you could see THROUGH a person before. However, this guy looked right through me. He would respond to what I was saying, but not once did he ever look me in my eyes. And his body language CLEARLY said I was not worthy to talk to him and he was only talking to me out of pity. Heart Break City.

Being in a state of depression, is like being trapped in a block of ice. You can see others moving around you. You can see people looking at you. Some with pity, some with compassion, and some with disgust. Disgust because your depression is self-inflicted. You should just “snap out of it”. But you and I both know, you can’t just snap out of it. When you are in the block of ice, you are trapped with your own thoughts. You tell yourself that you are useless, pointless, and everyone would be better off with out you here. You feel like a disappointment to everyone. You get to a point where you start thinking how life would be for others if you are just not there. I have been low honey. So, low I just wanted to close my eyes and never open them again. My whole life was a series of being put down and words made to make me feel like I was nothing.

BUT…..

Something happened. I said the wrong thing to the right person. I said I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up to the right person. Who is the right person? The person who cares so much for your well being that they physically take you to get the help you need. I was taken to a counseling center. I worked with a therapist until I started seeing the light. What am I telling you? I telling you there is life after depression. There is life after tragedy. There is life after whatever has happened. I am living proof. You can be happy, joyful, visible, motivated, inspiring to other women. You can and will get through the pain and fear. You can and will break through the ice. Because you have  a mission. You have a story to share. You have a testimony to give so other women do not burn out and fade away. They need you. You need them. We all have gifts and talents to share with the world. So now, take a deep breath and say “I’m ready!”.

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Alicia is a Confidence Coach. She helps career driven women experience freedom from self-doubt and negative thinking to be more successful in business and career by offering services designed to strengthen confidence and self-worth. Her life mission is to help every woman feel BOLDER, DEEPER, and HAPPIER! Loving what she has to say so far?? Take her for a test drive! CLICK HERE

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Be a BADASS!

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Magazines, Television, Books, Articles, and even your favorite celebrity will have you pulling out your hair to believe the “LIE”. The lie that has been spreading like an epidemic. The “LIE” is that physical perfection can be achieved if you look like this or eat this, or tuck that. If you do not, then you deserve to be ostracized, and degraded.

We live in a world that tells us that there is a mold, and everyone must fit into it in order to be praised. People lie everyday about how they really look for the purpose of looking like someone else. With cosmetic surgeries, cosmetic injections, photoshop, etc, its no wonder why we struggle occasionally, for some all the time, with low self-esteem, low self-worth, and negative thoughts about our selves.

Being a BADASS means being your own image. It means you gave society  the “finger” and told it to sit on it! To be a BADASS, it is going to take attitude, determination, and ambition. Want to be a BADASS? Follow these steps.

Step-by-Step

1. Skip The Flaws

Staying trapped in a constant flow of “I don’t have what she has”, “I can’t be that person”, “I can never do what she can”, is not doing you any favors is it? Focusing on everything that you feel is a negative about you, keeps you weighted down and never accomplishing much. What you think becomes what you believe, which becomes how you act. So unpack the baggage of your life and past. You lived it. You survived. Now, move forward to happier endeavors.

Cut the CRAP (stereotypes)! We place others into nice, little boxes. The boxes are oversimplified assumptions. Ever heard the saying about assuming? It makes an ass out of “u”. When you believe the hype about stereotypes and treat people accordingly, you find the moment YOU fit into the box you treat yourself the same way. Don’t believe me?? What are your thoughts about someone overweight? Or, about someone who you think is not attractive? Again, cut the CRAP!

Be aware of what makes you tick. Decide if it is something you can actually change, proceed to grow, and the rest “FORGET ABOUT IT!”

2. Map out Who You Are

Do you know who you are? Not the superficial BS like “I have an amazing smile and I came from good stock.” I’m talking who are you? You want people to respect you, love you, be proud of you, but you don’t even know yourself. Being BADASS also means you are not afraid to dig deep, and ask your self those thought provoking questions. What are my gifts, talents, and skills? What makes me smile? What makes me angry? What gets me out of bed everyday? What do I dream about? How and what do I want to be remembered for? What features, physically and internally, do I LOVE about myself?

3. Tell the world “F” You

I once read confidence was knowing your self worth. Once you know who you are, own it! You are you, and you were are beautifully made. You are perfectly imperfect. No one can be YOU better than YOU. Now that you are owning your gifts, talents, and skills, share them with the world! If you are good at something, share it with someone who could benefit from it . They get joy of having access to you, because you solved a problem, or became an answer to what they wanted. In the meantime, you are getting better at what you do, and you feel great because you are doing something bigger than yourself.

The world as a whole does not like for people to be individuals. When you live your life leading with what you are uniquely great at, others will natural try to make you stop. As a whole, society wants everyone be the same. It’s only when the person who chose to be an individual succeeded in a way that no one can dispute it, is when they are praised. However, along the way they were called crazy and laughed at for trying to live differently.

Tell the world you are here and you will live your way. You need to do everything you can to showcase you talents, skills, gifts, and even you positive attributes everyday. Doing this causes your mind to shift in a positive direction. It goes from saying what you can’t do and don’t have, to what I can do, what I do have, and what I can do for you. BEWARE: living life in a more positive mindset can begin to cause feelings of  BADASS-ism!

4. Gain Strength

Put your workout clothes on! Never in my life have felt more like a BADASS as when I am covered in sweat. Working out releases endorphins into your blood stream that causes “happy” feelings. Think about how BADASS you would feel if you chased that “happy” feeling 3-4 times a week like you do a sale at your favorite store.

Get an attitude! When someone tells you to stop using your skills or go back to conformity, look them in the eye and ask them why. Why, should  I stop? Why do you even care? Then proceed to say “thank you for your concern, but I got this!”

5. Take It To A Higher Level

Life can be a vicious cycle. You need to identify people, places, and things that are a source of negativity, and decide to keep it or let it go. Not going to certain places and throwing away things are easier than letting go people. Consider this: Everyone has the right to change and grow. Before you start back kicking people from your life, give them them the opportunity to grow with you. Tell them about your new found BADASS title and your NO tolerance zone for negative thinking and words. If they are down, YAY! If not, YOU have a decision to make.

Don’t forget! You can not expect things to change around you until you change. Elevating your standards means taking the standards you hold yourself to another level as well. If you don’t like where you live, what you drive, or even what you own, do you constantly dwell on it? Law of Attraction states you must ALWAYS be in a state of gratefulness BEFORE you can expect something new to come your way. What is the state of your home? Do you use sheets are drapes? Could your bedroom pass as your closet? Why don’t you like your ride? Do you wash and vacuum it every week? Does it look like you are moving with all the stuff you have in it? Change always starts with you.

You want to be BADASS? Then be BADASS!

xoxoooox Alicia

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Alicia is a Confidence Coach. She helps career driven women be more successful by offering services designed to strengthen confidence and self-worth. Her life mission is to help every woman feel BOLDER, DEEPER, and HAPPIER!

Stereotypes….

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Whether you believe me or not, women fall in to the stereotype traps. We find it very easy to group other women into categories and make generalized assumptions about them. I know in high school this was common. Did your high school have groups of people that hung out with each other based on their common shared activity? The “Jocks”, The Preps, The Band Kids? Yea?? Well, how would you describe each group? I bet you could say the preps were all……. The all like to do……. Rather you believe it our not, that was stereotyping.

Simply defined stereotyping is overly generalized assumptions about a type of people. Now fast forward to today, women place other women into groups so it is easier to interact with them. However if your interactions are based on assumptions, how are you being genuine? How do you have a real connection with someone based on what you think that person is like? Let me set the stage. You are grabing your favorite cup of coffee from your favorite coffee bar. You sit down in your favorite spot at your favorite coffee bar. You are about to take the very first sip, when the door opens. In walks in a tall, very fit, stylishly dressed woman with the latest handbag. What can you tell me about her right now? What kind of life does she probably have? Now, behind her walks in another woman. She is short and slightly overweight. She is wearing jeans, t-shirt, tennis shoes, and a cardigan. She is only carrying a wallet. Do you have a different picture of her life and what activities she likes? Let’s take it a step further. Would you believe that are both high powered executives? Would you believe the causually dress woman was the stylish woman’s boss?

Why as women do we have negative views of other women? Society as a whole tells you that a woman, in order to be perceived as soft and feminine, must dress and be shape a certain way. So the woman who does not fit that criteria, there is something wrong with her. Stereotypes have a more negative affect than positive.

Believing stereotypes can even cause you to treat yourself a certain way. When you have a negative view point about a “type” of people, the moment you feel you fall into that type you behave in that manor. If you believe overweight people are lazy, unattractive, and not intellegent, the moment you gain weight you begin believing that you yourself is lazy, unattractive, and not smart. What you believe, becomes a thought, becomes a feeling, becomes an action.

“Whether you think you can or cannot– you are right”– Henry Ford

XoXOO

Alicia

Are you a woman??

I am WOMAN! Hear me ro….

Wait….

Am I a woman????

Society will tell you that you are NOT a woman or feminine or pretty, or beautiful, or even WORTHY of desired attention if you don’t look, feel, or act a certain way. But I am here to tell you, no one can be better at BEING you than you! Honesty, who doesn’t want BOLDER confidence, be the “IT” girl, snag ANYONE she wants, and be admired by ALL?

 

I get it!

 

We all want to be accepted, supported, loved, desired, respected, and admired by friends, family, and our significant other. But what about being accepting, supporting, respectful, and loving to yourself?

 

“I just want to be BEAUTIFUL!” Then be open to re-defining what beauty actually is. BEAUTY is Being Encouraging And Understanding To Yourself!

Who are you???

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Who are you? What is below the surface? What is under the makeup, hair styles, stylish clothes, and trained smile? Who are you when no one is around? What are your thoughts? What are your stresses? What is your pain? Who are you hiding from? Where are you running to? What is it about you that you don’t want other people to see?

These are hard questions to ask. But ask you must. Being aware of you feelings and thoughts helps the process of growth and healing. I once asked myself who are you? I could not answer. I had no idea. This was shocking to me, because how can you crave acceptance and want people to love you for you if you don’t know YOU?

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The answers to these questions for some are extremely painful. It is hard to see past these thing. I try very hard not to make light of other people’s struggles, because something light to me may be very heavy to someone else. Throughout my process of discovering and transformation, I am learning new things about myself. I have learned that no matter what I am going through, someone else is going through too. The bible says we will all have trials and tribulations to conquer. The road to greatness is narrow and not paved. You will trip, stumble, and fall. However, on this road you will learn and you will adapt. It is so easy to focus on what is wrong in our lives. It is easy to watch others appear to be thriving with things and/or opportunities we say we want. But remember just like you hide your pain well, so can they. Focus on your path and your dreams. Stay out of theirs.

xoxo

Alicia REACH THE TOP (1)

You Are Beautiful: The Love Letter

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Dear You,

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Believe me when I tell you. True beauty comes from your smile, your kindness towards others, your laughter, accomplishing your goals, and living your dreams.

Deep down you want be the woman who has inner peace so deep it’s manifested in everything you do.

Many women struggle with body image and self-doubt, and don’t even know it. As women, we are quick to believe we are not enough while others have everything. Society will tell you that you deserve to be mocked, ignored, and made to feel inferior if you don’t have the perfect hair, smile, shape, weight, man, friends, car, clothes, job, image.  

SPOILER: Only 5% of women naturally have the body type image displayed in the media. That means 95% of women DON’T look like the image on the screen and magazines. (found on dosomething.org)

{PSA: Quit looking at HER}
Why would you want to be like anyone else? All the time you spend in the mirror dreaming of looking like, acting like, or having what someone else has, you COULD have been LIVING in your best moments. QUIT looking at HER and just Be Your Own Image

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xoxo, Alicia