Be a BADASS!

Magazines, Television, Books, Articles, and even your favorite celebrity will have you pulling out your hair to believe the “LIE”. The lie that has been spreading like an epidemic. The “LIE” is that physical perfection can be achieved if you look like this or eat this, or tuck that. If you do not, then you deserve to be ostracized, and degraded.

We live in a world that tells us that there is a mold, and everyone must fit into it in order to be praised. People lie everyday about how they really look for the purpose of looking like someone else. With cosmetic surgeries, cosmetic injections, photoshop, etc, its no wonder why we struggle occasionally, for some all the time, with low self-esteem, low self-worth, and negative thoughts about our selves.

Being a BADASS means being your own image. It means you gave society  the “finger” and told it to sit on it! To be a BADASS, it is going to take attitude, determination, and ambition. Want to be a BADASS? Follow these steps.

1. Skip The Flaws

Staying trapped in a constant flow of “I don’t have what she has”, “I can’t be that person”, “I can never do what she can”, is not doing you any favors is it? Focusing on everything that you feel is a negative about you, keeps you weighted down and never accomplishing much. What you think becomes what you believe, which becomes how you act. So unpack the baggage of your life and past. You lived it. You survived. Now, move forward to happier endeavors.

Cut the CRAP (stereotypes)! We place others into nice, little boxes. The boxes are oversimplified assumptions. Ever heard the saying about assuming? It makes an ass out of “u”. When you believe the hype about stereotypes and treat people accordingly, you find the moment YOU fit into the box you treat yourself the same way. Don’t believe me?? What are your thoughts about someone overweight? Or, about someone who you think is not attractive? Again, cut the CRAP!

Be aware of what makes you tick. Decide if it is something you can actually change, proceed to grow, and the rest “FORGET ABOUT IT!”

2. Map out Who You Are

Do you know who you are? Not the superficial BS like “I have an amazing smile and I came from good stock.” I’m talking who are you? You want people to respect you, love you, be proud of you, but you don’t even know yourself. Being BADASS also means you are not afraid to dig deep, and ask your self those thought provoking questions. What are my gifts, talents, and skills? What makes me smile? What makes me angry? What gets me out of bed everyday? What do I dream about? How and what do I want to be remembered for? What features, physically and internally, do I LOVE about myself?

3. Tell the world “F” You

I once read confidence was knowing your self worth. Once you know who you are, own it! You are you, and you were are beautifully made. You are perfectly imperfect. No one can be YOU better than YOU. Now that you are owning your gifts, talents, and skills, share them with the world! If you are good at something, share it with someone who could benefit from it . They get joy of having access to you, because you solved a problem, or became an answer to what they wanted. In the meantime, you are getting better at what you do, and you feel great because you are doing something bigger than yourself.

The world as a whole does not like for people to be individuals. When you live your life leading with what you are uniquely great at, others will natural try to make you stop. As a whole, society wants everyone be the same. It’s only when the person who chose to be an individual succeeded in a way that no one can dispute it, is when they are praised. However, along the way they were called crazy and laughed at for trying to live differently.

Tell the world you are here and you will live your way. You need to do everything you can to showcase you talents, skills, gifts, and even you positive attributes everyday. Doing this causes your mind to shift in a positive direction. It goes from saying what you can’t do and don’t have, to what I can do, what I do have, and what I can do for you. BEWARE: living life in a more positive mindset can begin to cause feelings of  BADASS-ism!

4. Gain Strength

Put your workout clothes on! Never in my life have felt more like a BADASS as when I am covered in sweat. Working out releases endorphins into your blood stream that causes “happy” feelings. Think about how BADASS you would feel if you chased that “happy” feeling 3-4 times a week like you do a sale at your favorite store.

Get an attitude! When someone tells you to stop using your skills or go back to conformity, look them in the eye and ask them why. Why, should  I stop? Why do you even care? Then proceed to say “thank you for your concern, but I got this!”

5. Take It To A Higher Level

Life can be a vicious cycle. You need to identify people, places, and things that are a source of negativity, and decide to keep it or let it go. Not going to certain places and throwing away things are easier than letting go people. Consider this: Everyone has the right to change and grow. Before you start back kicking people from your life, give them them the opportunity to grow with you. Tell them about your new found BADASS title and your NO tolerance zone for negative thinking and words. If they are down, YAY! If not, YOU have a decision to make.

Don’t forget! You can not expect things to change around you until you change. Elevating your standards means taking the standards you hold yourself to another level as well. If you don’t like where you live, what you drive, or even what you own, do you constantly dwell on it? Law of Attraction states you must ALWAYS be in a state of gratefulness BEFORE you can expect something new to come your way. What is the state of your home? Do you use sheets are drapes? Could your bedroom pass as your closet? Why don’t you like your ride? Do you wash and vacuum it every week? Does it look like you are moving with all the stuff you have in it? Change always starts with you.

You want to be BADASS? Then be BADASS!

xoxoooox Alicia

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Alicia is a Confidence Coach. She helps career driven women be more successful by offering services designed to strengthen confidence and self-worth. Her life mission is to help every woman feel BOLDER, DEEPER, and HAPPIER!

You Are Beautiful: The Love Letter

Dear You,

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Believe me when I tell you. True beauty comes from your smile, your kindness towards others, your laughter, accomplishing your goals, and living your dreams.

Deep down you want be the woman who has inner peace so deep it’s manifested in everything you do.

Many women struggle with body image and self-doubt, and don’t even know it. As women, we are quick to believe we are not enough while others have everything. Society will tell you that you deserve to be mocked, ignored, and made to feel inferior if you don’t have the perfect hair, smile, shape, weight, man, friends, car, clothes, job, image.  

SPOILER: Only 5% of women naturally have the body type image displayed in the media. That means 95% of women DON’T look like the image on the screen and magazines. (found on dosomething.org)

{PSA: Quit looking at HER}
Why would you want to be like anyone else? All the time you spend in the mirror dreaming of looking like, acting like, or having what someone else has, you COULD have been LIVING in your best moments. QUIT looking at HER and just Be Your Own Image

xoxo, Alicia

WANTED: Positive Black Female Role Model

Is there another way? Is there another image that I can have other than what I see in music videos, on Love and Hip Hop, RHOA, Married to medicine or any other reality show? In the back of my mind, I know there is another pathway, but because all I see on T.V is this, I get confused sometimes. And I know I am getting confused at 29 then how confused is an 18 year girl. Yes this is a battle we have been fighting for years about how the media portrays women, but to me its getting worse for women who look like me. On one end, my race is being challenged with everything you see that is happening in your nation and on the other end my gender is being pushed back with laws that says I don’t have choice how my health should be taken care of. So, where does that leave me? A black woman.

I am not a person that is easily moved by what I see. I have great faith in God to push me pass any glass ceilings that the world tries to create, but what about a young girl or woman who don’t know enough to know that GOD CAN AND HE WILL. I see women old and young trying to fit into an image “Bad Bitch”. “Ride or Die” Society believes that all black women care about is not wanting to work, wanting marry some rapper, or professional athlete. and if we do work its “modeling”. Not the tea banks way but the king magazine way. You are telling me that I have to get injections in my ass so it can be bigger than hers. I have to get breast implants to be noticeable.

There are not enough Oprah’s in the spotlight to counteract what my image is supposed to look like. Even when you see a show like married to medicine, the women on the show who are doctors (HIGHLY educated) STILL are messy and vindictive as the women who they look down on. I feel said to say that I don’t even believe the “charities” that create or support with fundraisers, because they bring drama to it. Diminishing value of their efforts, because now the event or focus is a popularity contest.  God said to judge the sin not the heart. So I know at the end of the day all of us just want love, respect, family and friendships.  But I want another way to be spotlighted to obtain them. I do not play the race card to get things or to justify in my mind why I am not given an opportunity. However, I notice things. I do not voice my opinions very often. I do not look for opportunities to slander someone because they are slandering me or my race. But I notice things. And I can tell you what does hurt is when someone from my race does something wrong, their wrong gets pushed to me. “All Black people…..” All black women…..” Those black…… But when we are trying to celebrate an accomplishment and owning our race’s positivity, society takes the race away. Example:  Keke Palmer is the FIRST black woman to play Cinderalla on Broadway. I saw much pride in this accomplishment. However, all it took was one person (who was not black) to say “WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE THE FIRST BLACK WOMAN? WHY CAN’T SHE JUST BE ANOTHER WOMAN PLAYING CINDERALLA?” WHY? WHY? WHY??? BEACUSE SHE IS BLACK AND OUT OF ALL THE WOMEN WHO HAVE HAD THE PART NEVER HAS THERE BEEN A BLACK ONE! Apparently, there are not many opportunities for a black person to seen in society as a positive role model, so we do do not belittle it because you do not UNDERSTAND the significance to me.

I am a black woman you does not have a criminal history. I grew up with both parents in one house. I lived in a jewish neighborhood where I could walk to school without fear of being hurt. I have a college education, I have never been on government assistance. I am single and do not have children. I believe in God, and my parents, grandparents were not drug addicts, drug dealers, pimps, or prostitutes. They were teachers, maids, air pilots, and financial advisors. SO where is my role model???

My call to action to any black woman who fits my description: we have to be the role model! I said before that we do not have enough Oprah’s in the world. I KNOW there are black women who are making strides financially, but what are they doing to show the younger ones they can do this too. You don’t have to be a BAD BITCH to feel you are living life. If that is how you want to feel, GO for it. No judgement here. However, There is another way. Where are the women who are in their 50’s 60s 40s that reached back and told my generation THIS is what you can have? Im chasing a dream not because I have seen it happen, but because society TOLD me I could not have it. Now If I am calling out my mother’s generation, I have to call out MY generation for we are in our 30s. What are WE doing to show the teens and the early 20s THEY can have this. That there is another way other than your looks. That you can have THIS in spite the fact you do not have the measurements of 38DD, 24, 45.

Where are the Positive Black Women Role Models?